CW Purvey Skit

VO: And now, the religious minute, with Bro. C.W. Purvey.

CWP: Well, we have here with us today a feller from Indy-yer; not here with ME, mind you, of course, since the Lord has almonished us to not be unequally folked with unbelievers, but he’s here vee-yah a teleophone line all the way from way over yonder.

He is what them HINDOOZ call a Bra-Man; now, I have to confess to you bretheren that I don’t, I don’t like the sound of that ATTALL; it makes my skin crawl to even think of the unknown and unmentionable undergarments of the female persuasion; but these CHUBSQUAD people here at the station say that I gotta have more people listen in or they’ll cut me offa here. So, to make a long story short, I wish to introduce you out there in my radio congregation to a Mr. ROGER NEE SHEE PADDLE DAUBER (Did I say that right?).

RP (heavy Indian accent): Excuse me, Mr. Purvey, it’s Rajneesh Padawer.

CWP: (pause) O-Kaaaayyyy. OK, Mr. Paddle Dauber, if that is your REAL name, what do you have to say for yourself?

RP: I wanted to speak to you and your listeners today…

CWP: EXCUSE ME, Mr. Paddle Dauber, I did not KNOW that you would be SPEAKING in TONGUES on the AIRWAVES today. As the Lord sayeth, “Lest there be a translator handy or at least a good bio-LINGUAL dictionary present, thou shalt NOT speaketh in tongues.” II Romans 43:12.

RP: What are you saying? I wanted to speak on the concentricity of the universe.

CWP: (to someone in the studio) [Can we cut the line or something?] AHEM, my friends, we cannot speak this day of the electricity in the universe; this is not an AGNOSTIC or SCIENTIFIC show; we are here to discuss the GOOD BOOK. I’m afraid what we have here is a failure to commiserate.

RP: What are you saying you strange man?

CW: Say what? ‘Cause I know you didn’t just call ME…

RP: I don’t know why you…

VO: This has been the religious minute…

CW/RP: Gibberish/Arguments

VO: …With Brother C. W. Purvey.

CW: I don’t care who the hell he is!